The Ballad of Kenny-Boy

A song about Ken Lay and Enron, sung to the tune of “The Ballad of Jed Clampett”, the Beverly Hillbillies theme, as performed by Lester Flatt and Earl Scruggs

Come and listen to a story ‘bout a man named Lay
Whose only goal in life was to increase his pay
He was born in Missouri to plain old Baptist folk
But he though the golden rule was nothin’ but a joke.

“Sell stock to others while others can’t sell stock, that’s my rule,” he says

Kenny-Boy went off to Houston to university
And pretty soon thereafter he got his Ph.D.
On his diploma was Ec-o-nom-ics
But he made his money with a bunch of dirty tricks.

Enron . . . Chewco . . . Whitewing

Enron was a company that delivered gas and oil
But it didn’t pay enough for Kenny’s time and toil
He found a scheme to get between the seller and the buyer
He says it weren’t no wrong; John McCain thinks he’s a liar.

Off the books, undisclosed liabilities hidden from investors

To be his CEO, Ken hired Jeffrey Skilling
Who said to his boss, “Here’s how we’ll make a killing:
We’ll let Enron keep the profits and hide all the losses,
Don’t tell employees, just share this with the bosses.”

JEDI, that’s Joint Energy Development Investments

Well the first thing ya’ know, Kenny-boy’s a millionaire
He said: “I want mo’ money. How I get it, I don’t care!
Accounting’s not all black and white — plenty of it’s gray.
As long as my stock goes up I’ll look the other way.”

“Sometimes things aren’t exactly black-and-white when it comes to accounting procedures.” George Bush – July, 2002

Kenny saw he’d need a way to make it seem legit’
While he was busy grabbin’ all that he could get
He needed an accountant with the morals of a whore,
Who knew how to cook the books so he’d get more and more.

Arthur Andersen LLP, headed by Joe “I can’t recall” Berardino

Regulators? no problem! Kenny had a friend named Bush
Who told him he’d appoint whoere’ Ken would wish,
So to make the FERC do what Kenny though it should,
He put in place a Texan whose name was Pat Wood.

FERC, that’s Federal Energy Regulatory Commission

An energy policy was needed for the nation
Bush made sure that Kenny-boy was there for its creation
Enron folk got secret meetings with Vice President Dick Cheney
(Former Haliburton CEO no longer seems so brainy)

Congressional investigative arm takes Vice Pres to court …

An Enronite named Sherron Watkins sounded the alarm
Ken and Jeff said, “We’re just millionaires who never did no harm”
Sherron said, “alarming accounting irregularities”
Jeff said, “No, just complex accounting subtleties.”

“implode in a wave of accounting scandals,” she wrote

Then there came a problem that Ken did not foresee,
A little technicality that we call bankruptcy
When the bankers quit a-lending, and the stock was in free fall
Ken picked up the phone; Bush did not return his call.

“Ken who? Campaign contributions?” said Ari Fleischer

A little while afterwards, with Enron in the red
Clifford Baxter took a gun and put it to his head
Kenny blamed the media, said they paid too much attention
But Enron and its deals were Kenny-boy’s invention.

What’s the media supposed to do with the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history?

Kenny’s wife went on the TV to say that they was poor
They had to sell a house in Aspen and they’ve only got two more
Folks that lost their jobs and savings say Ken and she’s still rich
It’s hard to have much sympathy for such a spoiled b**ch.

Two homes in Aspen? better than bein’ Lay-ed off

Next thing was the Congresspeople, all investigatin’
All but Skilling took the fifth to a-void explicatin’
Campaign finance passed the Congress, nothing Bush could do
Lobbyists will find another way to get the money through.

Best Congress money can buy! Legalized bribery!

Ken looked at his bank account; there just was not enough
His wife Linda opened up a shop, that she called “Jus’ Stuff”
There they sell accoutrements from their life of luxury
They’ll have to sell a sh*tload to pay their attorney’s fee.

bronze goat ($700), painted horse ($3,600), Charles Barkley jersey ($380)

Enron insider Michael Kopper was the first to cop a plea
He pays a $12 mil fine, and the go’erment lets him be
Prosecutors hope he’ll provide some worthwhile testimony
Enough to charge Ken Lay and every Enron crony.

Kopper, top deputy to Enron CFO

Enron’s CFO was a man named Andrew Fastow
Who regarded Enron as his personal cash-cow
What he suckled from the bloated Enron udder
Is enough to make any working man shudder.

“improperly pocketing more than $31 million”

Andrew Fastow turned himself in to the FBI
The feds are always lookin’ for bigger fish to fry
Eventually he may lose his ill-gotten gains
Though that doesn’t start to rectify Enron’s investors’ pains.

fraud, money laundering and conspiracy

A Congressional panel found that Enron paid no tax
while they were pushin’ executive compensation to the max.
It’s clear that only working folk got the Enron axe
No matter how you spin it, them’s the simple facts.

Aw shucks! Ken and Jeff were just implementin’ Bush’s tax cuts for the rich a few years early

We hope it’s time to say goodbye to Ken and all his kin
Too bad that you’re now OUT what you invested IN
They thought they were so smart they had a scheme that could not fail,
They’ll have time to think it over as they sit a spell in jail.

Do not pass go, Do not collect two hundred million dollars
Chain gangs . . . guard towers . . . . group showers . . . bye bye!
ya’ll come back now, and see how this ballad ends, ya’ hear?