Molcajete

Sung to the tune of “Crooked Teeth” by Death Cab for Cutie

I sat that day there in the shade
And I thought, wow, I’ve got it made
Out of the pool after a dip, but only salsa to put on my chip
Like mexican food at the mall, the mall

I love avocados served ripe and raw
Much more than hot dogs topped with cole slaw
And there is no doubt what I want by my side
mmhmm

So I sought an avocado to mash
to be used, consumed, and then I knew in a flash

That you can’t make guacamole
If you don’t mash avocados
No you can’t make guacamole
If you don’t mash avocados

I roamed the grocery store
Seeking avocados, tomatoes, and more.
and more, woo, hoo, woo, hoo.

Onion, chilies, garlic, cilantro
Mashed together with a fork in a bowl
Or in my molcajete, a stone mortar and pestle

When that climacteric fruit is mashed, nothing’s lost
Don’t fret, it’s all opportunity costs

Cause you can’t make guacamole
If you don’t mash avocados
No you can’t make guacamole
If you don’t mash avocados

Alligator pear or aguacate
Avocat means lawyer too
Avogadro found a number, he was good at math
But I’d rather walk the avocado path

Cause you can’t make guacamole
If you don’t mash avocados
No you can’t make guacamole
If you don’t mash avocados
No you can’t make guacamole
If you won’t mash avocados
No you can’t make guacamole
If you won’t mash avocados

Hey There Fat Delilah

Something like “Hey There Delilah” by Plain White T’s

Hey there Delilah
You have got to lose some weight
I never thought a fattie for a girlfriend would be my fate
When you go on vacation, do they send you in a crate?
If you’d just lose fifty pounds or so, then you would look just great
The paparazzi would take pix of you as if you were my mate
I don’t want to seem mean
But have you tried Lean Cuisine?

Oh your cup size is a G
Oh you’re much bigger than me
Oh you’re bigger than a tree
Oh lock the freezer with a key
You’re more than I can see

When you choose food instead of me I feel so forsaken
Did you know when you walk down the street the earth starts a-quaken?
Hey there Delilah, you just sit there eating bacon
And with every bite you take you know my heart is breakin’
Yes, you know it’s true
A pig says “oink” not “moo”
Eatin’ bacon’s what you do
You’ve got enough for my whole crew
I’d like a plate of bacon too
But I’m a Jew

Hey there Delilah, you just keep on getting fatter
If I had to choose “plus-sized” or “fat” I’d just say that you’re the later
If I ever mention it, you say nothing’s the matter
It drives me so crazy I feel just like the mad hatter
In any conflagration you would break the fireman’s ladder
Do you put it in a third leg?
I think you need Jenny Craig

Hey there Delilah, did you eat all the Ben and Jerry’s?
I see an empty birdcage; did your cat eat the canaries?
You could drink the milk and cream of a dozen dairies
If you were in “Pan’s Labyrinth” you would eat the fairies
Let’s put these t-bones out of reach
Have you tried South Beach?

Hey there Delilah, do you ever exercise?
If you’d get on the StairMaster you wouldn’t have those thighs
How about some jumping jacks instead of Biggie fries
I saw you at McDonald’s and now they’re out of pies
Here’s the advice you must heed
Weight Watchers is what you need

Oh your cup size is a G
Oh you’re much bigger than me
Oh you’re bigger than a tree
Oh lock the freezer with a key
You’re more than I can see